you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
