i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
