return my video game
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
