so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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