First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
