I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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