I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
