What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
