i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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