Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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