Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
