chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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