Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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