hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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