bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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