id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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