He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
