i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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