I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
