I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
