You really coming over, don't trick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
