would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
