grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
