I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
