It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
