He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
