Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
