Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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