My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
