my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
