There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
