True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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