i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
