either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
