Apparently you make a good broom.
there's paper in my vomit.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
