I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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