I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
