it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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