when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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