Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
