If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
