Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
