yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im holly from the hills drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
