A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
