You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
