you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
