They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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