happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
