Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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