I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
