hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drake has all the answers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
