all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize