I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
