I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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