The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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