between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
