Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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