Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
