I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do vagina's smell?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
