i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
