Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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