I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish they made helmets for livers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
