I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
