Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize