Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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