Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
