break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
