I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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