dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
