I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
