im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize