I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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