im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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