when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
