I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
