but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
