whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
