You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
