I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
