He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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