well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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