so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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