I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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