Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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